Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
