I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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