Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
