If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
