My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
