I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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