She is in my trunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
