Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
