well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
