so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize