Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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