i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
