The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
