She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
