Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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