Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
