Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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