Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
