I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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