Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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