Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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