So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
