You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
