I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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