K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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