At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
