I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
