Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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