Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am mentally ready for anal.
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