Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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