Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
