If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I could make wine with my vomit
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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