you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
