I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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