HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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