somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
