I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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