dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
4 words: hood of his car
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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