I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
