Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
