a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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