OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
