My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
