so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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