Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Of course I have a pirate flag
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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