I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
