morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
