Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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