And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
