you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
40s are totally the cure
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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