Your face is a jimmy john
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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