Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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