Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
