If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
