A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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