I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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