Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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