My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I am morally bankrupt
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
