At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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