I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
