sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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