Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
