We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
