Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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