loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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