dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
