Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
